Mourning a friendship - by Kyra Finnick

A post Africa wrote on your page a month or so ago about accepting the ending of a friendship inspired me to pen these words. I too find it fascinating that we openly speak about romantic love and the losses it brings, but we don’t talk about the ending of platonic love on near enough the same scale. As I write this I am doing my best to make peace with the culmination of a 10-year friendship I shared with someone very close to me. It hurts like nothing I’ve ever felt in my 22 years of life. It all feels sudden and unfair, but I know that if I look back with clear lenses, there are many signs I have probably missed.

When we would meet up the energy would be off, we didn’t speak as much, we were passive aggressive towards each other, we were quick to blame and be petty, something in our connection had broken, the truth of it was that we had simply grown apart. We had failed to keep checking in on our relationship to the point where what we had was fizzling out at a rapid rate. Maybe we could have remained friends, just not the ‘best friends’ we had thought ourselves to be, a lot of maybes and what if’s flood my mind from time to time. But at this point in our lives, I believe it’s better for us to let each other go and grow separately.

I’ve gone through the wave of emotions, sadness, anger, regret, confusion, and now I’m back to sadness. I’m also allowing myself to feel all of these things because it’s all part of the process. This all took place 2 months ago, but it feels fresher than ever and I’m letting the wounds heal how they need to, in their own time. I have started the healing. I have started to slowly accept that some people are not meant to be in our lives forever. You can take the good moments you shared with someone and accept that the relationship has run its course.

I’ve found it helpful to write about how I’m feeling. Writing is my therapy. It’s cathartic, it frees me. It helps me release all the pent-up stuff that I’m not able to vocalise. Something that’s helping me with the process is understanding that no one is to blame here. I absolutely loved the friendship I had with this person and the truth of the matter is, there is no use hanging on to a dead relationship just because of the good times. Maybe later in life we will find our way back to each other, maybe we won’t.

Thanks to your post, I am realising that there is no need to be bitter when it comes to people growing apart, it happens and it’s completely normal!

- Kyra

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